We gave Malachi his name simply because though the pregnancy ended in loss, it was the first time we were able to get pregnant. It was truly a message, a gift of hope to us.

Zadok’s name was chosen long before we got married or started trying to conceive. Mason read a book when we were in Bible college called The Sons of Zadok. It was then he decided he wanted to name a son Zadok. At 16 weeks we didn’t know if we were having a boy or a girl, but Zadok and the namesake middle name was the only name we’d agreed upon. So when he was born in the emergency room consequently finding out we had a boy, there was only one name that fit. Zadok.

Our boys are as real to us as the children we see running around, they just occupy space in our hearts until we see them again. Their lives, albeit short, have changed us for the better. Our plan has always been to adopt along with having biological children, and our hope is sure that we will have more biological children, but adoption is not the answer to infertility. It’s the answer to brokenness. So while we wish there wasn’t a need for adoption, our hearts are in it to be used to bring wholeness to broken places.

In whatever order our family expands, our children conceived in my womb and in our hearts will be told about these boys, our first two children.